Thoughts of a Closet Existential Nihilist

from by Kev Sez

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lyrics

You, me and everyone we know is gone and dead, so why
stick around? I'd rather decompose in the ground instead
Let my mind drift, drink a fifth of vodka, chase it with some
gold caps, strap myself down and let my mind react
Redact reality with existential nihlism
Close the shutters, live in clutter, thinking "motherfucker I ain't
ever getting out of this, I can't focus
long enough to consider options outside of cannibis"
Walk the streets in a daze, looking like a mugger wrapped in
pea coats and cigarette smoke
Reach the corner store, finish up the last drag, mean-
while Black Flag's echo blasted out the speakers while some
teenagers ignored it like they don't know shit. Had
money in my pocket but I saw he had more ones
Thought I'd be retired at 21, where's the fun gone?
Pop into the store, psilocybin is kicking in

I don't know where I'm walkin'
But I don't care, cause my future me is calling
I never answer, 'cause I'm stuck in the past, while taking
sips from a flask while I'm winking through my death mask
… While I'm winking through my death mask
… While I'm winking through my death mask
… While I'm winking through my death mask
While I'm winking through my death mask

Walk up to the counter with no will like a fatalist
Only white boy in the store full of closet segregationists
Define irony: we stole the land from Cherokee
And here I am currently, paying with my currency
Ten bucks a pack for their tobacco so I kill myself
and it's a profit, had thought but I just lost it
Feeling like an angel, seeing zippers in my vision. Knowin' in
five minutes money won't make sense, so I pay and dip
Walk outside, light up, get myself a mouthful
Contemplate my death with every square ounce full, I'm doubtful
of where I'll end, where I begin, and what exists
what is life? what is sin? what's after death? are we all kids?
Is there a god? If there is, there must be a devil
Yin and yang, black and white, day and night, liquid and metal
Light another smoke, zippo click, throw it in the coat
Suck it up, little shithead, you only live once (YOLO!)

I'm not sure where I'm walkin'
I'm looking back, 'cause my shadow is stalkin'
Thinkin' in circles 'cause I'm high as a kite, and life is
like a song I'm singing to the end that goes like
… While I'm singing to my death and
… While I'm singing to my death and
… While I'm singing to my death and
While I'm sinking to my death, man

Child-like delusions of a man with nothing to lose
Nobody in the picture but himself, he knows it too
Take another step and the borders of the sidewalk
Fall apart, tip toe glowing concrete like I'm walking in the
dark, not sure of the direction of my apartment
I see the local homeless living in bottles and cigarette
cartons. Living on the fringes of society
Straight faced, bus money's needed? Now they lie to me
Fishing out the quarters that I'm saving for my bus pass
Drop it like a fishing lure, waiting for the bait to catch
Pupils are black holes, ask 'em how their day has been. They're
happy to have found the cardboard that they're layin' in
Humble scum by society's standards
But sometimes I wonder if any of 'em have found the answer
I break the banter, turn and meet the wind with laughter
While I walk into the sunrise, swallowing my cancer

I don't care where I'm walking
I know you care, even though it's not your problem
So let's sit and talk and mark my sighs with chalk
and you'll be crying while you kiss me through my death mask
… While you kiss me through my death mask
… While you kiss me through my death mask
… While you kiss me through my death mask
… Keep my flag at half mast

credits

from First Attempt at a Second Chance, released April 1, 2014
Produced by Buffalo Black
Lyrics written and performed by Keven White

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about

Kev Sez Dallas, Texas

rapper, singer, poet, opinion-ant... taking influence from minds dead, alive, and never born.

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